Just biding my time.... (senioritis, anyone?)

Most people would agree that biding one's time is not an ideal use of time at all. This is certainly a mantra of every self-help section of every bookstore I've ever seen: live in the now, appreciate today, be present each moment. Not to say that it is incorrect, although the mere thought of those shelves of books, each proclaiming the right way to be happier now, does make me a bit ill.

Maybe its an act of belated adolescent rebellion against all wisdom, or maybe I am just sick of the now, because this semester I am doing just what I should not: I am biding my time. I'm sitting around, dragging my feet through my readings and assignments and appointments; I'm waiting for my real life to begin.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know it's not good. But it is. As a second semester senior, I have more than a vague idea that my life will really begin sometime after May. Or, the life that I choose. Sure, I chose this - I needn't be reminded. And I like learning, I really do. I will read and study and debate and learn without being enrolled in a degree program. But I'm bored, antsy, and ready to move on.

It may have something to do with the fact that I am in a long-distance relationship, and most of my fabulous future plans involve Alex. Or maybe that I can't see myself in the Carolinas long-term, which means that each subsequent week is just another week spent waiting to leave.

I don't even know what I want to do when I graduate. That's deliberate - I have never had a period of time in my life when I didn't have a plan or something upcoming. Other than the impending poverty and lack of health insurance, the terrible job market is reassuring because it means that the forthcoming rejections won't be personal, per se - its just the economy. It will be culturally sanctioned unemployment, allowing me to think about what I really want to do. 

So what do I want to do? There is a list, already long and constantly growing. Less than .01% of the ideas involve earning money; none of them have a time frame. What I know is that none of them can be done here or now, so I must sit around waiting for the here and now to end before the list can begin.

The List: Things that make me even more antsy as I bide my time
- Hike the Appalachian Trail (AT)
- Hike the Mountains-to-Sea Trail (MST)
- Hike the Pacific Crest Trail (PCT)
- Volunteer with No Mas Muertos, an organization that provides humanitarian assistance on the US-Mexico border
- Return to Peru, where I lived for the past year, with Alex, to complete the adventures we began there
- Live in the same city (!) as Alex
- Engagement and all that follows...
- Learn the United States: I have currently seen more countries in the world than states in the US
- Climb Mt. Kilimanjaro
- Work in/visit the Democratic Republic of the Congo
- Master's, PhD
- Live on the West Coast (Seattle?)
- Seminary
- Live with/near my grandparents (1month-ish) and other important friends (not in the Carolinas!)
- Play chess over breakfast, have intellectual conversations over lunch, and laugh until I gag over dinner (e.g. life with Alex...)
- Hike the Wonderland Trail (around the base of Mt. Rainier)
- Extended time in Mexico?
- Staff or participate in another Global Urban Trek
- Anthropological/Sociological research among refugees in the US and/or camps around the world
- Live in a city where I don't need a car

etc, etc, etc.....