I hate editing. My eyes and brain glaze over after the 4th or 5th reading through a piece. I don't have the patience.
Perhaps a sign that writing isn't an ideal future for me?
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Editing Hurts My Head
I'm hitting a wall. I really want to put everything I can into these essays and finish the semester strong. It is my last semester of undergrad, after all... and, my GPA could use some help from this class. But, looking at these essays makes me want to pull my hair out. Seriously... I've been staring at them for the last hour, and I have a headache. And no, it's not from pulling my hair. I'm sick of them, ready to be done with them. I look at things I know need correction and think... "I can't do it. I don't know how to fix that." The longer I work, the more I feel like not only have I hit a wall, I am now slamming my head hard against it.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Knowing Me
One of the coolest things about getting older is learning myself. At 22, my body is finally figuring out its ideal clock. Amazing that it took this long, really. But, it's final: The perfect sleep schedule for me is from 11PM to 7:30AM. If I go to bed much later, I wake up groggy. If I sleep less than 8 hours, I can't function. Really, 8.5 is ideal. If I wake up later than 8:30 or 9AM, I'm in a bad mood. Of course, I've also learned that my body is über-sensitive, which is terrible for late-night paper writing or any fun late night activities.
Knowing myself, though, is an awesome feeling. If I know myself I am more aware of the ways others change me, be it positive or negative. I am less likely to get lost in the influence of another if I know where I started. When Alex and I started dating, I would stay up late with him and sleep in - I adjusted to his sleep schedule. I loved our nighttime hours together, but ultimately I was miserable. And although it has changed our relationship (I am falling asleep right as he begins his night, and I wake with nearly 4 Alex-free hours), returning to my body's ideal is one of the most satisfying things I have done for myself.
Knowing myself, though, is an awesome feeling. If I know myself I am more aware of the ways others change me, be it positive or negative. I am less likely to get lost in the influence of another if I know where I started. When Alex and I started dating, I would stay up late with him and sleep in - I adjusted to his sleep schedule. I loved our nighttime hours together, but ultimately I was miserable. And although it has changed our relationship (I am falling asleep right as he begins his night, and I wake with nearly 4 Alex-free hours), returning to my body's ideal is one of the most satisfying things I have done for myself.
The Question.
Graduation is rapidly approaching, and you know what that means... the question is here. It started as a trickle at the beginning of the semester, only appearing here and there, every once in awhile. Now, it's a full fledged torrent. Every time I turn around, it's there. What am I going to do when I graduate? What are my plans? What will I do with my life? What, when, how?!
It wouldn't be such a burden if I had an answer. But, I don't. I need to come up with a party line by graduation day, so that all of the inquiring relatives can get the same easy answer. Thus far I all I've been able to come up with is, "Ummm...," "Err...," and "My plan? Ha! What's that?" For the record, those answers don't satisfy anyone.
The truth is, I have no idea what I'm going to do. It's not that I don't know what I want. It's just that I'm not willing to take a permanent job right now, because I don't want to stay in one place. I'll be in Charlotte for the summer - my brother's last summer before he goes to college. I want to spend some extended time with my grandparents in Charleston before I move far away from the Carolinas. And then, in the fall, I might need to move to Wilmington for a my boyfriend's last semester - because I'm not very good with long distance. After that, we want to go back to Peru for a couple of months. Then, I doubt we'll stay in the South. The future holds lots of travel, grad school, and low-paying community service jobs. That's the long term answer.
The short term, though, sounds less exciting: I'll be living with my mother, working random jobs, nannying, and saving money. I'll be traveling and spending time with the important people in my life. Then maybe, in half a year or so, "real life" will kick in. But, not yet. Not yet.
It wouldn't be such a burden if I had an answer. But, I don't. I need to come up with a party line by graduation day, so that all of the inquiring relatives can get the same easy answer. Thus far I all I've been able to come up with is, "Ummm...," "Err...," and "My plan? Ha! What's that?" For the record, those answers don't satisfy anyone.
The truth is, I have no idea what I'm going to do. It's not that I don't know what I want. It's just that I'm not willing to take a permanent job right now, because I don't want to stay in one place. I'll be in Charlotte for the summer - my brother's last summer before he goes to college. I want to spend some extended time with my grandparents in Charleston before I move far away from the Carolinas. And then, in the fall, I might need to move to Wilmington for a my boyfriend's last semester - because I'm not very good with long distance. After that, we want to go back to Peru for a couple of months. Then, I doubt we'll stay in the South. The future holds lots of travel, grad school, and low-paying community service jobs. That's the long term answer.
The short term, though, sounds less exciting: I'll be living with my mother, working random jobs, nannying, and saving money. I'll be traveling and spending time with the important people in my life. Then maybe, in half a year or so, "real life" will kick in. But, not yet. Not yet.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
from me to... me
Dear Me (just 4 months younger),
Welcome to Creative Writing. Some things you need to know:
*This might not have been the best semester to take this class. Know that the things that have happened recently will affect you. It will take twice as long to do anything. Plan accordingly, otherwise you won't be able to get your work done.
*Don't get frustrated with the workshop comments. People will ask questions that may seem obvious... they just don't know a lot about the topics about which you'll write. Cut them some slack.
*It's a good idea to read. There will be quizzes.
*If you want to change people through your writing, it can't be obvious to the reader. If it's obvious, they'll just feel preached to. People like feeling like they've come up with ideas on their own... so your writing shouldn't try and force change.
*Try to not rely so heavily on punctuation - that is, dashes and semicolons.
Happy Writing, younger me!
Love,
Older me
Welcome to Creative Writing. Some things you need to know:
*This might not have been the best semester to take this class. Know that the things that have happened recently will affect you. It will take twice as long to do anything. Plan accordingly, otherwise you won't be able to get your work done.
*Don't get frustrated with the workshop comments. People will ask questions that may seem obvious... they just don't know a lot about the topics about which you'll write. Cut them some slack.
*It's a good idea to read. There will be quizzes.
*If you want to change people through your writing, it can't be obvious to the reader. If it's obvious, they'll just feel preached to. People like feeling like they've come up with ideas on their own... so your writing shouldn't try and force change.
*Try to not rely so heavily on punctuation - that is, dashes and semicolons.
Happy Writing, younger me!
Love,
Older me
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Yes, I can answer those questions.
I don't have enough space to explain all of the things I'd like to explain in this essay. Some of you had questions about the Montagnard people and suggested that maybe I didn't know the answer. I have no reason to be offended by that, of course - none of you know that, for the past several years, Charlotte's Montagnard community has been my life. Before I left for Peru, I spent almost 40 hours a week (for two and a half years) serving that community, educating Americans about the Montagnards, translating and taking people to doctor's appts and DSS interviews, teaching self-sufficiency, etc. I love them. They are my best friends and some of the strongest people I've ever met.
So yes, I can answer just about any question you have about: the Montagnards in general (mostly about the Jarai people, but also the Rhade, Koho, Mnong, etc); the UNHCR; the camps in Cambodia or villages in Vietnam; the persecutions; the resettlement process; why they are in Charlotte (and Greensboro), NC; services for refugees and life here... etc.
Of course, I can't put all of this in my essay. Maybe, like Antoinette, Klosterman, and Wallace, I need footnotes...
So yes, I can answer just about any question you have about: the Montagnards in general (mostly about the Jarai people, but also the Rhade, Koho, Mnong, etc); the UNHCR; the camps in Cambodia or villages in Vietnam; the persecutions; the resettlement process; why they are in Charlotte (and Greensboro), NC; services for refugees and life here... etc.
Of course, I can't put all of this in my essay. Maybe, like Antoinette, Klosterman, and Wallace, I need footnotes...
Does this sound right?
Looking at the math... 3 blogs per week... if we need 3 blogs for every week except Spring Break, that's 15 classes = 45 blogs. However, that is including the week of Feb 12, when I don't think we were required to blog (-3). And then, that is also including the weeks of the 9th and 16th of April, when we won't have class (well, the 16th we have conferences, but not formal class). So thats two more weeks with questionable blogging requirements (-6).
(45-9=36)
Meaning, we have anywhere between 36 and 45 blogs required for the semester.
What's the final word, Prof. Renfroe?
(45-9=36)
Meaning, we have anywhere between 36 and 45 blogs required for the semester.
What's the final word, Prof. Renfroe?
Since when is it okay?
Only one other seat was occupied in the Queens lounge, and was filled by a gently snoring middle-aged man. He was slouched so low that his backside almost hung off the seat. He had a dark windbreaker spread out over his face, and I couldn't see much more than his dark arms and Royals blue work shirt: a Queens employee of some sort, and by the look of it, an exhausted Queens employee.
Another man, this one tall, husky, and white approached. He wore a white, collared shirt and had close-cropped hair and a cold stare; he looked like a middle class, middle-level retail manager... but he also looked like he could - and maybe would - harm you if angered. He walked purposefully towards my lounge neighbor. He stood above the man's chair, staring threateningly at the even rise and fall of his slumbering worker's chest. I couldn't believe the man didn't awake under the weight of that look alone. Seconds passed. And then, the boss kicked him. He lifted his leather-clad foot and, in one movement, roughly booted the other man's legs.
He was careful not to get too close to the chair - his long leg was fully extended to reach its target. He then stood there, four feet from the sleeping man, and waited. The worker stirred, slowly. The jacket moved, a face appeared. Two dark, bleary eyes adjusted to the light and settled on their supervisor. He rose and silently followed his boss from the room.
It was an ordinary instance, I suppose, but I was bothered. Forget about the literal, visual illustration: the boss in a white shirt, the worker in blue. Look past the troublesome racial dynamic: the black blue-collar worker, clearly inferior to the white white-collar worker. Since when (as an adult) is it acceptable to kick another human being?
Another man, this one tall, husky, and white approached. He wore a white, collared shirt and had close-cropped hair and a cold stare; he looked like a middle class, middle-level retail manager... but he also looked like he could - and maybe would - harm you if angered. He walked purposefully towards my lounge neighbor. He stood above the man's chair, staring threateningly at the even rise and fall of his slumbering worker's chest. I couldn't believe the man didn't awake under the weight of that look alone. Seconds passed. And then, the boss kicked him. He lifted his leather-clad foot and, in one movement, roughly booted the other man's legs.
He was careful not to get too close to the chair - his long leg was fully extended to reach its target. He then stood there, four feet from the sleeping man, and waited. The worker stirred, slowly. The jacket moved, a face appeared. Two dark, bleary eyes adjusted to the light and settled on their supervisor. He rose and silently followed his boss from the room.
It was an ordinary instance, I suppose, but I was bothered. Forget about the literal, visual illustration: the boss in a white shirt, the worker in blue. Look past the troublesome racial dynamic: the black blue-collar worker, clearly inferior to the white white-collar worker. Since when (as an adult) is it acceptable to kick another human being?
Maybe it's just me...
I don't use the automatic checkout at the grocery store. You shouldn't either, but then again - that's just my opinion. They are convenient, sure. And, I can go through while talking on my cell phone without being rude. But, here's something else to consider:
Each one of those handy, talking-scanning-checking-out machines has replaced one person. One cashier no longer has a job because a machine has taken her place. Those auto-checkouts don't come in ones and twos, either. There are six or eight in a row: eight people who have become obsolete, because a machine can do their job at a fraction of the cost.
Machinated convenience or workers' well-being? A bigger issue hidden within a trivial decision, as I stand with my shopping cart, wavering between the check-out options.
I'll choose people every time.
Each one of those handy, talking-scanning-checking-out machines has replaced one person. One cashier no longer has a job because a machine has taken her place. Those auto-checkouts don't come in ones and twos, either. There are six or eight in a row: eight people who have become obsolete, because a machine can do their job at a fraction of the cost.
Machinated convenience or workers' well-being? A bigger issue hidden within a trivial decision, as I stand with my shopping cart, wavering between the check-out options.
I'll choose people every time.
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